Monday, October 4, 2010

A little Tea and T

My sweet husband is amazing at slingin case you didn't know. here's his latest I'll be showcasing on my right forearm for LIFE!!!!!

right before I committed for life.....commitment makes me a little nervous

Finished with black shading and line work....he was bringin the pain

finished product..super swollen... bad lighting

TAAAA DAAA! ur jealous right? I love my teacups. 
Thanks T for your patience. You are such an incredible artist and husband. I'm so so lucky. I love you. Happy birthday!!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Adventures of Team Marriage

Marriage is a wonderful thing but it can also be boring and downright difficult. It can become monotonous paired with responsibilities like paying the bills and fixing the car etc... Sometimes you have to get a little silly to keep up the moral and stoke the fire. Tristan and I are always looking for new ways to do this and that is how "The Adventures of Team Marriage" was born. I don't remember exactly when we started affectionately referring to ourselves as team marriage but we have been doing it for quite sometime now and somewhere along the way we added a point system. So now anytime we do anything together whether  we're winning a game at couples night,  fixing the sink, making amends after a big fight, paying a bill, tag teaming chores,  or even something like helping each other find a missing sock we get excited and give each other a serious hive five or chest bump and give team marriage some amount of points (I've been stuck on 40pts for along time, I dont know why).  Cheesy? absolutely. helped our marriage? 80% boost in moral. This week I had to share because Team Marriage Rocked. Im pretty sure we accumulated  over 600 pts.

We went on a couples trip to float the river in New Braunfels. We had a blast! The only fights we had stemmed from a bed that was too small (double)  and a comforter made of silky material that wouldn't stay on the too small bed. Other than that we were on a roll. We had so much fun we decided to drive back to Denton at a leisurely pace and stop in Austin. We window shopped all day and allowed ourselves each a treat from one of my favorite thrift stores on S. Congress. I took Tristan to Uncommon Objects, my favorite antique store, for the first time. And we concluded the evening with a fabulous dinner at the Snack Bar. YUM! We took some fun pics to document our fabulous married time and I thought I would share. The Austin trip alone was probaly 200 points. The river trip was such a success it  had already accumulated 150 or so.

 team marriage = 350 pts

The remaining 50 points were added on the drive home. When Tristan got really tired and was in need of starbucks. I started using google maps to find the nearest one and it appeared that we had already passed the only one unknowingly....dang it. Frustration filled the air. But to team marriages suprise from a distance we saw the round sign shining like a beacon in the was wrong.. TEAM MARRIAGE prevailed. The car erupted with excitement! Hive fives all around and Tristan said he was buyin.....thats his favorite line (of course, I ignore that team marriage 
has a joint account ;) 

If you thought it couldn't get anymore rediculous, then think again. Because team marriage was on a roll and nothing could slow us down.The next day we got up and hit the dog park. We then headed directly to Lowe's to schedule tile installation in the master bathroom. Many of our fights have stemmed from the previous owners decision to place carpet in the bathroom. who does that? Our toilet has been broken for sometime and yes this is sick to admit but it has overflowed four times in the last two weeks onto the carpet......result: serious frustration! So after we signed the paperwork and shelled out the cash for the tile installation team marriage headed to plumbing. We got the toilet guts kit and Tristan took the picture of the box below. It was Tristan's idea to try and fix the toilet ourselves. I'll admit I was skeptical. Tristan earned us 30 pts automatically for his courage on this project. After two hours of me standing on the tub reading the directions while Tristan executed, with hands in the commode, Team Marriage anxiously awaits the first flush............Excitement erupts !!!!!! Team Marriage has won again! The toilet is in fabulous working condition and the consolation prize was ripping out that nasty carpet and throwing it in the trash! We completed all of this and still made it to recovery at church by 6:30pm to greet. And then if that wasn't enough we had 30 peeps over for a giant firepit party after in celebration :)

Team Marriage: 600 pts                                                              

Monday, September 20, 2010

Aikido: do not miss your chance to flow

So good thing I warned you that I'm a basket and that my blog might just  fly right out of my basket if things got hectic cus that's exactly what happened this summer.  I guess I could say I took an unplanned sabbatical from the Internet.  But against all odds (dramatic, yes) I managed  to scrounge up a connection this afternoon to address the world, and by world I mean you sweet friends that read my blog (or perhaps I should say read my blog, past tense) you are so good for my self esteem and it turns out writing is good for my soul whether anyone is reading or not.

So anyway here I am and so much time has passed. Its funny how I have actually started thinking in what I like to call blog perspective. Every time I have a light bulb moment or something cool happens I jot down the experience or thought that I feel should be blogged about. I started with great intentions thinking I would be so consistent at blogging that I probably wouldn't even have enough things to share....wrong. I mean what was I thinking I'm a basket promoting everything in sight. The blog perspective list has become so long it is quite daunting to a basket who's working on her follow through. I'm farely certain that the list actually caused me to stay away from my blog longer than necessary. The Lord has revealed that  I have these freedom issues, which it turns out have actually been fear and rebellion cleverly masking themselves, but that's a story I'll have to blog about later. Most people wouldn't know this about me, because as I stated it usually masks itself as me being care free or playfully rebellious, but anything even remotely resembling the least bit of pressure or commitment can put me on edge, especially if the possibility of failing or disappointing anyone including myself is present. Bottom line people I got spooked! Really I guess we could call them follow through issues.  My silly prideful self got worried about my blog not getting done on time I mean seriously, fear of man much, so I just let it fly. Much like when you forget to call someone one back and you keep forgetting and then eventually so much time passes you convince yourself its better to not even call. Its never better don't worry like I said I'm a work in progress and this returning to my blog however many months later IS progress.

 The Lord and I have been sorting out my follow through issues for quite some time now (ALL SUMMER), specifically my response to get out of dodge as soon as I feel the least bit restrained or pressured by the commitment to finish something. But just yesterday he really decided to bring it home and I had the greatest epiphany. As I was dusting my bookshelf I started thumbing through one of my favorite books from school. I bought it at a seminar for social workers on highly resistant clients ( how clever of the Lord to use  a book with the phrase "highly resistant clients" in the title to reveal this great epiphany to me).

There is some brilliant stuff in this book and it just so happens the Lord orchestrated a light bulb moment as I came to the chapter titled "Lessons from Aikido." The chapter begins with definition of Aikido: A Japanese art of self-defense that uses the principles of nonresistance in order to debilitate the strength of opponents. I know your thinking what does Japanese fighting have to do with your follow through issues, stay with me. It goes on to explain that this type of self-defense is one of the purest forms and teaches no tactics for attacking, all of the moves focus on defending against the attack. The theory behind Aikido is actually quite sophisticated. The Aikido master is always evading and using the energy created by the attacker against the attacker. One of the fundamental questions of the Aikido master is "where is the one place I can stand where the attacker cannot hit me? " The Answer is "in the exact place where the attacker is standing when the attack occurs. If I could move to the center of where you are standing you couldn't hit me. Your physical center is the point at which the attack begins, all energy moves away from this point. Interesting right, stay with me. So he goes on to point out of course it is physically impossible to stand exactly where another is standing at the same time. So the Aikido fighter  does the next best thing which is to frequently move in a manner that places him where his attacker JUST WAS. The purpose is to move to the position from which the force is coming. At the moment of the attack, this position is unattackable.

OK so in case your not following  let me explain why this is brilliant. When you block or defend against an attack, you are using force against force. Fighting force with force is risky business depending on your size and speed. When you use Aikido style to defend against an attack, you slip and slide the attack moving in a manner that avoids and dissipates the attacking force rendering it harmless! This is brilliant. Immediately I thought of Jesus, he was the ultimate Aikido fighter. I'm always amazed at how quickly situations that have quite a potential to get way out of hand in the bible dissipate when confronted by Christ.  He was a mind ninja. Just when the apostles or Pharisees thought they had him watch out ! He didn't run away nor did he fight force with force he simply dismantled there whole argument, often by putting himself in there exact position.

As I got excited about this yesterday the Lord really applied it to my follow through situation. When I start feeling attacked I think in terms of fight or flight its what we are all taught. I tend to fly or fight force with force. I find myself either feeling like a failure or quitter when I run. And when I stay and fight force against force I'm often outwitted or under skilled and I tire out quickly and end up choosing flight in the end. But there is another type of fighting....Aikido style which turns out really isn't fighting at all it is simply defending. I've seen some, even myself in horribly unjust situations, get so mad at the idea of turning the other cheek but I'm thinking the Lord was referring to Aikido. Don't slap them back, instead anticipate their move and respond differently than they expect. It is the element of surprise that is to the advantage, being one step ahead of the game. Now don't get me wrong, as I evaluate this I think it actually takes more guts and hard work than just trying to blindly bludgeon something to death. And perhaps it takes more patience and agility. It seems it would take a heck of a lot of more courage to not only decide to face the attacker or problem but to then run directly towards it trusting that the Law of energy will win and you will end up dissolving all force coming at you as you replace the enemies center of gravity. SCARY! The Lord has assured me over and over that if I will just face my trial head on and trust him he has given me  the ability to slip and slide just like the Aikido fighter right into the exact spot my attacker was just standing in. I replace him and thus resolve the center of conflict, but not without some sweat.

So Aikido is the way to go. But now that I know I see the daunting task ahead of me, TRAINING. I have to learn Aikido first.  I've taken my first step which all you steppers know is to admit I'm powerless! And in this case very untrained.  I'm headed to the training manual first thing! The word is filled with Truth that dismantles the enemy. If those truths are written on the walls of my heart then I will slip and slide right past the enemy and right into the exact spot he was standing in .... I will tear down the lie he yelled while standing there and post up truth. I then have nothing to fear. Those well trained in self defense aren't scared of an attack. The best example I can think of is Eminem in 8th mile. Tell them what they already know about you, what they were gonna use against you. I guarantee you'll  surprise them and then they won't have any material. Aidkido, one step ahead of the game.

Hi I'm Brittney Bradshaw. I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggle with pride and rebellion and even some fear of man. I have serious issues with following through on anything and I may never blog again ......but Christ already knew that ....... I win.

 Internet world I'm back in the game and you don't scare me. I promised honesty and by golly I will share even if that means confessing my silliest fears on this very public site. so you got nothing on me ....WHATCHAAAAA! (me: karate chopping)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting....

yeah I know its been a month...its fine:

 I was talking with a friend the other day, while paddling against a wild current on Lake Lewisville, when a subject arose that  had been on my mind. The subject discussed was character and we were throwing out adjectives we thought people would use to describe ours. I had already been thinking about this topic previous to our conversation and it only confirmed  quite obviously that my prior conclusion  was indeed accurate. The following are words I believe are most used to describe me:  fun, loving, witty, outgoing, funny, adventurous, spontaneous, understanding, comforting, encouraging, charming, inspiring, and at times if I were honest, which I promised to be in this blog, I've been described as pretty. Now I know what your probably thinking, man B don't be modest.You may even be thinking how prideful I must be to post this list  online for you to read. But before you jump to conclusions about this list let me give you the second list, the following are adjectives not on the last list because these are the ones that people wouldn't use to describe me: faithful, loyal, dependable, thoughtful, diligent, punctual, honorable, wise, obedient, enduring, and God fearing. Now after reading that list there are some of you thinking "no those aren't at all correct" because in some way you may have been one of the lucky ones that have experienced one of the nine times in my life that I may have followed through with something or may have come through for you; or perhaps you're just too kind or maybe even a people pleaser yourself and you have serious anxiety when it comes to shootin' people straight.  Some of you are very honest and are thinking "your right I wouldn't use those words to describe you", but you love me, so you immediately follow that statement with " but your a damn good time so who's dwellin on this silly list anyway."  Then there is the last half of you, you guys are thinking "yep! she's dead on", as your memory takes you back to some past event or situation where I left you in the dust, or slung you outta my basket completely without even looking back, and you are delighted to learn I've realized these words don't describe me and you are secretly revelling in the pleasure my introspection has brought you today, and to you I say careful do not judge lest ye be judged LOL. Now that we've discussed your responses, all of your responses,  to both my lists of adjectives let me describe  how I originally came to the realization that  these were my lists, why I feel these lists are so important, and what my response to them looks like. On my shower wall I have a laminated copy of two scriptures, one of them being Proverbs 31. For those of you that may never have read this group of verses it describes what a Godly wife looks like. Let me state for the record, this idea of scripture in the shower wasn't  original , my friend Jade had done it at her house and so I decided what a great idea, I will be able to memorize scripture in the shower. But the truth is after almost three years of having this scripture posted I might have a few lines memorized, but it was a valiant effort . Anyway,  I'm standing in the shower a few weeks ago and begin reading these verses, and as I go through line by line I try and assess whether or not I'm looking like the wife being described.  Let me state the obvious, I rarely look like her. I'm usually not standing in the shower checking yes to each box while congratulating myself at my efforts. It doesn't look like me saying " Yes, my arms were strong for my tasks after kayaking this week or man did I ever supply the merchants with sashes this week, I mean I was on fire cranking out deeds."  The bible can sometimes  be a little confusing to apply, considering it describes a woman thousands of years ago. It uses crazy lingo such as 'she is a merchant ship bringing food from afar". It is at this point it tends to look more like my thoughts wondering off  trying to find the modern day equivalent. Does going to Kroger count?  Kroger is so close to my house I could ride my bike, I feel like it hardly counts as "food from afar". Does it only count if I drive to South lake to Central Market, which takes like 25 min, unless its during traffic, in which case it can take an hour. And I don't work with wool or flax, in fact my sewing machine has been in the closet for two years. And let's be honest the idea that she gets up while its still dark, yeah NO, I get up at 9 or 10am earliest. So clearly my mind goes off on a tangent and I have to regroup and not go so literal, at least not all the time.  Back in the day this description was completely accurate, I'm sure every man reading this then would want that women!  The overall meaning is clear that she is selfless and goes about taking care of her family in every way necessary often depriving herself of what she probably wants,case in point  more sleep. It clearly states she is hard-working,faithful, loyal, dependable, wise, selfless, and giving. That is the first list of adjectives that describe her and we could probably add more to that list. But if there is a first list then that means there is also a second list of words not used to describe her which is why the last line of scripture hit me hard. The entire chapter finishes up with this: charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. She is not aspiring to be charming and beautiful. Let me add a question mark to the end of that, she is not aspiring to be charming and beautiful? The world teaches us just the opposite, doesn't it? Can you ever remember a time when it wasn't important to be beautiful? The world certainly seems to be all about beauty and it has its own definition of beauty as well. And remember what you've been taught since you were small, bat your eyes and prince Charming will come sweep the beautiful princess off her feet. And how disappointed were you after the real world's definition of reality failed and you realized you must not be a  princess, that other girl at school was more qualified and had already filled the role.Or maybe you were that other girl and the role wasn't quite that satisfying, in fact keeping up the princess appearance can be quite exhausting. And prince charming, a wonderful, perfect man who shows up in the nick of time. Well this idea sets up every man to fail. Who came up with this prince? And who chose the word charming to describe him? Have you ever stopped to consider the word charming or to look up its definition? I have always aspired to be charming. I have always wanted a charming little cottage with a wildflower garden and an art shed. I thought the word was synonymous with inspirational or whimsical. Turns out that's incorrect. Charming as you have guessed by now is tied to seduction, magic tricks, spells, all in all charming turns out to be a hoax, a facade.   Some of you may be frustrated, don't worry I'm not completely bashing fairy tales. And the word charming can be used occasionally in a positive way. I think imagination is important and a little pretend is good for the soul. But when fantasy starts mixing with lies and that mix becomes your belief everything gets jumbled. The world opposes Christ. It works completely opposite to Him and his word. So when I read this line of scripture I was hit with the truth. I should be aspiring to be a loyal, faithful, hard-working, and trustworthy wife but instead so often I work extra hard  to be a charming, beautiful, cool, or even funny one.  Because the world has taught me that this is what is enticing. It teaches me this every time I check out at the grocery store and stand near the magazines, every time I go to the gym and see the posters, and every time I watch a movie or read a romance novel. But scripture teaches a completely contrary idea. Scripture says I am wanted already by Christ! Scripture tells us we are made beautiful in Christ. We are to be servants and we are to aspire to be obscure like him. Colossians 3:4 (message version) " the meantime be content with obscurity, like Christ." Scripture shows us a wife is to be loving, gentle, kind, serving,  hardworking. What I've seen in myself is that sometimes as woman, as freeing as this word should be, we surprisingly don't like that picture. My husband helped me to see that even I had bought into the lie that I was supposed to be something totally different. He told me a story he had heard. Six guys go out to dinner for guy's night out. All the dudes were sitting around talking after dinner and they were having such a good time they didn't want to go home. They started thinking of places to go and one of the guys spoke up and said "we can go to my house, my wife will be there but I can call and see if she cares." All the guys reply saying yeah that sounds good we don't mind if she's there, except one guy who replied "man I hope your wife is there she is so cool. I haven't seen her in a long time, I'm looking forward to catching up. " The other guys just turned and looked at him like hey man that's his wife. AWKWARD. Some of you may think just like I did at the end of this story " whats wrong with what the guy said?", in that case you may be offended at what I say next but Tristan said it best. He ended the story by stating " I don't want to have the cool wife, I don't wanna have the hot wife or the fun wife, or any wife that all the guys want to come over to "catch up with". This statement astounded me at first, maybe I was even a little outraged.You don't want me to be fun? or to look pretty or dress nice? Then I start accusing him, you want me to sit quietly in the kitchen cooking wearing a potato sack! Why was I mad? Isn't the idea to be the most awesome wife? Or even the most awesome person? The idea is to be popular right ? To have the most friends? Isn't that what equals success? Wrong. Our motives should solely be to please the Lord. To know him and love him and serve him. And out of that servitude and love for others can't help but spring forth. What my sweet and very honest husband was saying is that he wants me to look to please only the Lord and serve Him wholeheartedly and therefore look to please only  He and my husband, not people. My motives had nothing to do with these things, he exposed them.  My motives tend to be rooted in pride. I wanted to be seen and known and I can use the guise of serving.  My goal is often  to improve my self worth and even  to make other guys jealous of Tristan or girls jealous of me,  or even to impress others or please them because I can tend to serve people as my God. I didn't even realize that I was making myself a trophy. I've learned the hard way to let the Lord check my  motives. The world has made us believe this is a competition. Wrong again. Comparison is the thief of joy unless we are comparing ourselves with Christ.  But we have been taught by the world that the entire goal is to be wanted or at least to be more wanted than her. Haven't we all? Hear me clearly we are WANTED by our magnificent creator! Turns out we are actually  princesses. Christ is Prince Charming after all he's the only one with magic power and he will come back to sweep us off our feet.We are Christs bride.  The Lord has shown me the entire goal is to know him and be loved by him. And then in turn to love others by serving them humbly as Christ serves us. It is not about recognition. 1 Peter 5:6-7 "So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is upon you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; for he is most careful with you." So am I supposed to work in the kitchen in a potato sack?? Only if that's what Christ instructs me to do and if it is then I better trust that it is in my best interest! After all this introspection I have decided I no longer want to strive to be charming, or pretty, or witty, or popular, or cool, I want to be loyal. I want to be wise. I want to be trustworthy. I want to be hardworking. My flesh and I will battle it out but with Christ's help my flesh will lose. The world can keep shouting lies but it will lose also. There will be a day when the world will be forced to recognize truth. The truth is that beauty is fleeting, you can only cheat wrinkles for a little while ,and you can't cheat death or judgement. And as for charming, well that's quite a magic show, practicing the tricks are exhausting and one day it will be exposed.  I can only hope when the Lord comes for me I will have nothing to hide. I hope he will have exposed all the tricks up my sleeve. I hope he will find me to be a good and faithful servant perhaps in the kitchen after all, wearing a potato sack, making a fabulous meal, and "laughing at the days to come."

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

obediance: because there is no plan B

So it’s been brought to my attention that the blog world has its own time frame, which I've decided is kind of like dog years, meaning it had been a ridiculously long time since my last post. So much has transpired in the last couple weeks I've actually been a little overwhelmed at the idea of trying to put any of it into words. But now that I have posted about Vessels and Flowers I am feeling less overwhelmed and trying to get caught up by posting two blogs in one day. So here we go.

Since sometime around last October I feel like the Lord has worked overtime to show me much in the area of discipline and obedience. Ok, let me rephrase that, he's probably been working overtime to teach me about these areas my whole life but October is the first time I recall making a concerted effort to listen to Him on the subject, and maybe even start to agree that my cooperation with Him may benefit all parties. It's been brought to my attention in the last couple weeks through what I'm sure were divine circumstances that I almost always have a plan B. And here's the thing, according to the world this is a totally normal idea; in some cases, it can even be considered a brilliant, practical, and absolutely necessary idea. But in my spiritual life it can really prove to be a problem. When you are so arrogant that you think you’re resourceful enough to save your own ass, then what need do you have for a savior. Obedience and discipline fly out the window quick when you get along pretty well on your own. You don't need to do all that’s asked in scripture right? Ever heard yourself or someone else say I "interpret that scripture my own way' or "yeah I don't believe that part of the bible is true”? I'm sure you've heard it one or two times and maybe from your own mouth I know I have heard it from mine. Here's the thing those phrases are a good indication that you took a detour and are now operating in plan B. A lot of us recognize early on that we are broken and in need of being “saved". We accepted Jesus as savior, but the dilemma comes when no one explains what to do next. A lot of people are still really confused about what it is to actually walk with the savior. I mean raise your hand if your still confused about how long to read your bible each day? And is it better to read morning or at night? Do I journal and is it bad if I don't? And how many people do I share the gospel with and when and how exactly do you do that again? Can I cuss? Can I drink? Where is that stuff in scripture again? Yeah, I know you probably all raised your hand. The thing is we skip the next part so often. We forget the discipleship. No one starts a job without the proper training. You can’t sell a product without studying it and learning to trust that it works. You can’t do a job or make a table without the proper skills and tools. Our walk with Christ is no different. We are told its imperative to be saved and it is! But after the hype we feel on our own again, only now there's this added guilt and shame that comes when we mess up. The best most of us do is end up with a handful of sentence fragments, we think might be in the bible, but we aren't sure where and can't remember what exactly they say, but they are supposed to give us some direction. Those fragments fail and then we find ourselves thinking I didn't sign up for this, I’m more confused than before. So we end up in plan b.

Let’s just break this down scenario style. We begin on the path the Lord had for us for the first time and we're real excited. We got our hiking gear, North Face jacket, maybe even some Chaco’s, if we're really serious one of those camelbaks. Man, we're hiking the trail its moderately rocking and hilly but we got this.The scenery is great. The Lords telling us which way to go when to stop for breaks you're getting a little tired but its good. Next day a little harder but you know, next day wow, this is getting a little steep, Lord you sure this is right way? Next day, ok I'm uncomfortable. There are huge mosquitoes and I'm allergic and itching like crazy. Eventually, I’m frustrated and quit speaking to the Lord altogether and I just follow with growing bitterness. We've waded through several creeks and I'm all wet, and one of them was full of leeches. And now I have blisters on my feet. Lord this is too much, I'm going to take a little detour over here, looks less steep to climb and I don't think there are as many creeks this way. The Lord says it’s not a good idea that’s the hardest way. But I go. Next thing you know I'm kind of lost but too prideful to ask for directions. I ran into a thorn bush a ways back and I'm bleeding. And I think I've sprained my ankle. After some hours of wondering I dead end at a cliff. Awesome. Now I'm pissed, after all it’s not my fault, man I didn't know I was signing up for this. I can barely read those old signs on the trail; some old guy probably wrote those thousands of years ago why would I trust that? After I've attempted to make a splint out of a torn piece of shirt and some sticks I realize it doesn't work like TV, liars I think, they're all liars. It’s getting dark and I realize I got to keep going because I have no idea the way back. The top of the mountain looks amazing and if I can just get up there I may be able to see which way is home. I start climbing the scariest cliff I've ever seen because there is no other way in sight. I start to climb and the whole time I’m thinking about  that "I shouldn't be alive show", you know the one where the guy gets trapped in a canyon and has to cut off his own arm. At this point I'm terrified. I'm imagining myself with one arm and I'm too high to climb down or jump but I’m really tired and my arms and legs are giving out. My camelbacks empty and I'm parched. I start trying to remember if you can really drink your own pee. I realize how low I am when I start thinking of drinking pee and so I start to cry. I admit I shouldn't have veered off the path to begin with and that I should've  stuck with the Lord's plan. Almost immediately after crying out I find myself coming up over the top of the cliff into a meadow and I see some signs and realize I've found the main trail. Then I see the Lord waiting. That’s when it hits me, after all I’ve just been through, I realize I made a giant circle. I feel completely defeated and guilt shows up first because I know it was the worst idea to go off on my own against the Lord’s instruction. Shame follows close behind and I’m so embarrassed about my actions and my ankle that I tuck my tail and hang my head. I stand with my head down waiting to be reprimanded. But there is no “I told you so” and I quickly realize the Lords excited I’m back on the trail. In fact he just hugs me and asks what I want for dinner. Immediately my guilt and shame dissipate. The Lord makes a fire and starts cooking. And I find myself looking up at the stars thinking “why did I ever leave?"

 Sometimes we go back to old paths, old habits and resentments. Sometimes we choose our own path altogether. Sometimes we can be found on someone else’s path because we think their path looks better than ours. Other times we simply stop along the way because we won't let go of what we can’t take with us. So the deal is there are two sets of footprints on the path the steady ones are Christ’s. He is always on the path that leads us to the destiny he has for us. We are the ones that take the detours. The bottom line is that only He knows where we are going,  only he knows the way. There is no plan b with Jesus only plan Him. My study the other day shed some new light on an old familiar verse the other day. Psalm 119:105  Beth points out that the verse says thy word is a lamp unto my feet , if you think through that you realize if you were standing in the dark with a handheld lantern you would only be able to see a little in front of you, only enough to take a few steps forward at a time. The Lord means for his word to guide your immediate steps. Then it says a light unto your path, meaning a guide for my immediate future. I often thought that meant with the Lords lamp the whole way would be illuminated, it would practically be day time. But the Lord's word sheds light only on our present path and our immediate future, so we'll know what steps to take, but for further instructions we'll have to hike a little ways today and check again! Its all about the relationship. I have learned that if I get ahead of him, veer off from him, or stay behind him and not walk with him I'll be in the dark. That’s where I have found myself so many times on plan b, path b, in the dark with broken ankles, contemplating cutting off my infected arm, and trying to decide if I can survive by drinking my own pee. From what I’ve gathered the Lord didn't intend for me to have to cut off any of my limbs or drink my own pee or even to hurt my ankles. He meant for me to grow strong on a path cut specifically for me to handle. He meant for me to enjoy the scenery along the way, but not to be so distracted by it that I take off after it and lose him. He did say scratched knees are to be expected. Certainly some calloused hands and feet and definitely some muscle to be built  in my arms and legs. Hopefully, a sharper ear and eye to see what’s lurking in the shadows and knowledge to know the difference between  what's real and whats' a mirage. And even if I choose the detour occasionally I’ve found all I have to do is utter that I'm lost and that my detour was the wrong idea. And the light reappears maybe slowly but surely and guides me back to the path. The Lord has posted signs and He gives daily instruction if I am willing to obediently listen and follow.  His word is the only lamp. All the questions will be answered someday, maybe not all now, but I have found scripture answers just enough questions for me to know I can take a few steps forward. I've been lost in the dark and almost amputated my arm several times and this year I'm trying obedience because plan B has never worked. If obedience is my safety then who knows  I may make it to heaven with minor aches and pains, and few scars, but all my limbs in tact.

in case you were wondering if the Lord still does crazy things

Ok so if you are a follower of my blog then you are probably a follower of Paige's blog, if not add her immediately. Between our two blogs you have heard of our favorite little book "Vessels and Flowers". I know many of you have inquired about buying it after having us plug it so many times. Many of you have actually been "vesseled and flowered" by one of us and some of you may still be waiting to find out what you are according to the book. Well have I got a story for all of you that has just rocked my world! Let me start from the beginning.

My amazing friend Jade came to Texas back in October and with her she brought this sweet little book which she swore, as any good basket would, that it would change my life. Little did I know she really meant it! On Tuesday night the 13th Jade "vesseled and flowered" me for the first time. I fell in love with this book. I really believe the ladies that wrote it heard from the Lord because every word it said about me was true to a T. I am a basket and a rose. If you know anything about a rose you'll understand when I say “I just knew" I had to share this book with others and so I asked Jade where to get it, to which she replied that copies were hard to find and she wasn't sure how to get them. She mentioned that her church used the book and that's how she found it. She and her friends had searched all over and only managed to scrape up a few copies. I was not ok with the idea that we couldn’t share this book so Jade and I being dreamers start tossing around crazy ideas that maybe we could find the authors and let them know Vessels and Flowers had been revived. We even went as far as to say we would become the next generation, promote it, and make a website if they would let us and maybe even potentially get it republished with new artwork. (I realize this was a little presumptuous of us but hey we were excited and we are baskets. (Little did I know my flower had just predicted a version of what may be to come) So that’s where it all began in my spare bedroom, kind of a joke but hey maybe serious. So shortly after Jade headed back to Nashville, I and my very used copy started promoting. A week or so after Jade left I headed to Tennessee to stay a week with Paige, she had just become a new mom. I had already shared with Jade that this was imperative we "vessel and flower" Paige. So one day while I was in town we shared the book with her and found she was an orchid and a darling golden pouch. Paige will testify that Jesus used this book to completely change the way she does life. She will confirm just as all those that have been "vesseled and flowered", that it has freed her from the bondage of insecurities and comparison. Once Paige was on board the Lord just exploded this thing! We shared the book with her mom, her husband, Anna, and Alice all that same week I believe! Ever since the three of us best friends discovered the book we have probably "vesseled and flowered" at the least two people a week. We started to get such feedback about the book changing lives and such demands to buy the book arose, that our joke about finding the authors became a serious agenda and we found ourselves laughing as we prayed that if the Lord wanted this to be our ministry then we had to find Brenda and Sally. Well the Lord answered and I just had to share. Jade was here in Texas a week or so ago for my birthday and we were discussing our dilemma, that despite all our best efforts we hadn't come into contact with the authors and we were running out of shady garage sale ways to find copies of the book. One of the last things I said to her on the subject before she left was that if the Lord wanted us to continue Vessel and Flowers then he would have to send Sally and Brenda our way. One thing I know about the Lord without a shadow of a doubt is that He has a great sense of humor and that He loves a good challenge. He begs us to hold Him to His word and to be amazed as He continually proves it true. Jade flew home on my birthday April 18th and only a week after Paige's friend Olivia found the vessels and flowers website!!!! Almost simultaneously without me and jade even knowing the website had been found I received a comment on my blog from "the flower lady." At first I thought it was a joke then I realized quickly it was actually one of the authors of the book, come to find out it was Sally! I thought there was no way she had just come across my blog so I assumed Jade had been in contact with her and wanted to surprise me and didn't say anything. But I was wrong. Through a crazy chain of internet promoting and friends of friends sending emails (aka Jesus trying to impress me) Sally had been told to visit my blog because I had been promoting her book and she left a sweet comment inquiring how we found it! This all just transpired in the last few days. Jade, Paige, and I are beside ourselves! I haven't even had a chance to message Sally back yet but I just had to share with you all first because the Lord deserves all Glory in that He is the most exciting, loving, laughing, and adventurous Father! I don't recall whether I have shared yet that the Lord gave Jade and I the same scripture, on separate occasions, for 2010 that declared that this year would be "the year of the Lord's favor."

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, and to proclaim the year of the Lords favor."
Luke 4:18-19, Isaiah 61

He has shown his favor indeed again and again this year! I am incredibly grateful and extremely humbled. Many know my testimony and know that it was only a few months ago I struggled and that Satan had almost convinced me once again that my God was neither exciting or adventurous and that in fact following him would be boring slavery. OHH friends how wrong the enemy is!!

"So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent? There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. THERE ARE THINGS TO DO AND PLACES TO GO! This resurrection life you received from God is not a TIMID, grave-tending life. It's ADVENTUROUSLY expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!
Romans 8:12-16

Our lives weren't meant for boring slavery friends. Our Father is creator and author of everything on this earth that brings you pleasure, from a simple cup of your favorite coffee or tea to the best book, movie, day, or vacation of your life! He had you in mind and he knows what you love this was a gift from him so you would know him as father not as slave driver. His entire goal is that we wake and ask him with excitement and expectation daily "what's next". He knows I love a crazy story, He knows I love surprises, and that I love to laugh! HE knew I would get a kick out of the flower lady finding me in the craziest way possible and most importantly that I would share it with all of you on the web and promote HIM!!!! He is dear to me if you don't know this crazy Lord seek to know him, I guarantee he's already been pursuing you. I'll keep you posted on Vessels and Flowers and in the meantime go order a book off the website  and keep livin' la Vida loca or in some of your cases challenge Christ to help you start living la Vida loca now, better late than never!!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Stuffed Portabello's whats for dinner

Ok so I don't have a fancy camera so this pic isn't very good. In fact it might not look appetizing at all. But it was one of the best dinners I've made in a while and I had to share the recipe!!!! Real quick:

4 large portabello mushrooms
2 tbsp minced garlic
2 tbsp butter
green pepper
yellow pepper
red pepper
fresh basil
goat cheese crumbles

Clean mushrooms with wet rag and remove any dirt. Soften or melt butter and mix in garlic. Brush half mixture on inside of mushrooms (bowl). Put remaining butter garilic mix in skillet and add peppers, onions, spinach, and basil; saute. Grill portabellos topside down (bowl side down) for about 4-6 min. Then flip and fill with saute mixture. Top with goat cheese crumbles and grill until cheese is very soft or melted!!! Voila! PS also yummy to add a little worcestershire to the mushroom before or after cooking. But make your own worcerstshire don't use the processed jazz !!

Friday, April 9, 2010

consistency vs. intensity

Ok so blogging regularly would be much easier if I had internet at my house. My goal to post weekly has not been met and I'm a little behind. But hey they say "absence makes the heart grow fonder" right?

So I have been trying for the last 5 months to live more simply, as you have read I can tend to be kind of extreme. After much failure and disappointment coupled with lots of grace and patience the Lord has shown me that he is about freedom, rest, and joy. I love alot of things which makes me want too many things. I love alot of people and sometimes take on too much. My own excitement and love for things can be too much for many and I can even overwhelm myself at times. I can feel a little too intensely. Because I'm a basket (ref: Vessels and Flowers) my natural inclination is to scoop up everything and everyone I love and take them for a ride, which usually isn't a bad thing, in fact, it’s what a basket was made to do. But let me explain how it can become a problem. I get so excited throwing things in my basket and just swinging through life that I don't seem to notice when my basket is overloaded. Yeah the basket gets a little heavy but I’m so busy swinging to the next thing I'd like to pick up and throw in, I forget to actually take inventory of what I already have. Soon enough though, I will start to feel the weight. When I look back to see why it’s so heavy is when I realize I've gone overboard! But it’s too late, things have fallen out and are littered along the road, people have fallen through the holes in the bottom of my basket, some are still holding on for dear life, and others have been flung from the basket with no parachute or safety net which has resulted in serious injury.

When I survey the damage I am devastated and then depending on my spiritual state I'll do one of two things. First one is to start trying to collect the treasures on the side of the road I've dropped while trying to piece together the items that are shattered, help those people that have been hanging on for dear life back to safety, and apologize profusely to those that have actually flown out of my basket, while trying to get them to let me pay their hospital bills. Or two I will freak out, get depressed, lay down my basket and try to pretend it wasn’t mine to begin with and then blame whoever gave it to me saying "how can I be expected to know how to use this, it’s not even mine" or "maybe you shouldn’t have given it to me in the first place." After repeating this cycle several hundred times I realized something wasn't quite right. I knew the Lord had called me into a life of peace, rest and joy but where was it in this crazy cycle??! Knowing there had to be a better way than the chaos I've just explained above, I began asking honest friends and the Lord to search me and know me so I could know myself. What I have found is that there is indeed a better way than what I had been trying. I learned that the definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions over and over while every time expecting a different outcome. How often we do this and how insane!! I've come to realize that it’s silly, no downright stupid not to look to the creator of the basket for instructions and specifications. Case in point, I wouldn't buy a porch swing without checking to see how much weight it could hold. I mean what if it was actually made for a small child and only held 80lbs. I weigh 150 this would be a problem. And how fast can this swing go and how high without the chain breaking and sending its passengers soaring to their death. And how silly would it be if the swing were to break and I tried to fix it on my own with no instructions and only a picture of what I think it should look like in my head. Not taking care to learn how to assemble, use, and maintain something properly, especially something that comes with a free manual is just silly, exhausting, prideful, often disappointing, and sometimes downright dangerous.

After many failed attempts to make my basket look how I thought it should look and do what I thought it should do and after filling it to the brim with things I thought it needed to be filled with, the Lord has lovingly and tenderly shown me that His word is an instruction manual containing all the information I need to operate my basket properly so that I can have the freedom, rest, and joy he promises. This brings us to the title of this blog after many tears and frustrations I have learned that endurance is achieved through consistency not through intensity. How many times, for instance, have I decided for NY resolution I am going to completely change my lifestyle and start working out? My basket starts swinging and the next thing I know I'm out getting a gym membership and perhaps paying hundreds for a trainer and then heading to Old Navy or Target and stocking up on the appropriate workout gear only to end up quitting the gym after the fourth week and heading to a Mexican restaurant to gorge myself with the queso I've been deprived of. If only I had been okay taking it slow. Perhaps if I had built up to the gym membership by taking walks in the neighborhood or by hitting the elliptical consistently for a few weeks before deciding on a trainer. Or how about if I had allowed myself queso once or twice a week as a reward for working out, maybe if I hadn't been so intense the pressure would be absent and I might have actually been able to follow through instead of ending up right back where I started feeling worse; and who knows maybe I would've even enjoyed the process. I tend to find myself thinking I have to hurry up and get it together in my walk with Christ, I'm trying to get better fast. I’m trying to get myself cleaned up. I realize pretty quickly I have no idea how to to do this. I've started out intensely determined, I've bought all the gear and signed up for all the right bible studies, I've volunteered for all the right ministries, and I've talked to the right people and told everyone I'm going to change. Then after a few weeks I realize despite all my efforts my heart is still the same wicked heart and my head is coming up with the same condemning lies, why is nothing different? Where are all those promises in scripture?

Scripture describes sanctification as a much slower process. I found the Lord whispering "slow down" and "simplify" This is where he gave me the phrase it’s not about intensity it’s about consistency. The Lord is in the business of changing hearts. He said give your business to me. Dedicate yourself to me consistently and I will clean you up and make your chaos calm. I will teach you how I intended your basket to work and what my purpose for your basket is .I delighted much in making you to be in perfect harmony with everything else in my creation. So slowly but steadily over the last 6 months I have tried to slow down and work this consistency into each area of my life. I have seen much fruit from it. I have felt more calm and more joy. I have battled it out with the intensity of my flesh and still do every day. I have found freedom in knowing Christ expects nothing out of me but humble vulnerability and honesty in coming to him. If I trust Him he's got it, after all He made it.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Promoter

I have a million favorites. Most of you caught onto to this quickly. Everything is my favorite and just about anything gets me excited about life. This makes me easy to buy for but hard to keep up with, just ask my poor hubby. There is a book I love that has changed the lives of many including mine. The title is Vessels and Flowers and the book helps you figure out your personality type and how you function. According to this book I am a basket and what this book says about me is true through and through. Along with many other things it points out that I am a promoter and also that I tend to have more ideas than I have money. It states that a basket could sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo. This has been proven true in my life a hundred thousand times over. The fact that I'm actually promoting the book right now is a testament to this. Today I wanted to share how it was proved true this particular Spring break. I'm not a student so technically I guess I don’t get a spring break, which is why it’s funny I still mark time the way college students do. But I suppose when I hang out with mostly college students why I wouldn’t? I digress. My dear friend Alyssa did not get to leave Denton for SB and so I made it my duty, as I always do, to take her on a few impromptu adventures. See because I am the great promoter, selling refrigerators to Eskimos, I do this thing with people. I didn't realize I did it until last year in Portland; my travel buddy pointed it out. She stated that every time she hung out with me she left feeling like she had homework. At first I panicked what?!! Does that even mean, because homework for me will always have a negative connotation. But then she quickly explained that I'm always promoting something, whether it be a food or restaurant that you have to try before you die, a mascara or lip gloss that you just can’t live without, a book that will change your life, or a movie that is in my top 5 favorites, or perhaps a place that is just so magical that u must visit. After I realized what she meant and we'd had a good laugh at this revelation, we got paper and wrote out her homework and we have been joking about it ever since. Of course, now I can’t hang out with someone and be unaware of this weird quirk of mine but even when putting my best efforts forth I just can’t quit promoting things I love. Alyssa is very aware that I do this; in fact we have had a "homework list” that has been accumulating for about two years. Spring Break really proved to be the best time to check some things off her list. It all began with an impromptu visit to Hobby Lobby on Wednesday. I had seen a project online (while blog stalking) that I wanted to try (more ideas than I have money). So I enlisted Alyssa's help. We bought lanterns and covered them in silk flowers, which actually turned out to be really cool. But we under estimated the amount of flowers needed the first time around so it was our second hobby lobby run that lead us to the shady carnival in the mall parking lot. Of course if you've been following my blog you already know how I feel about these. Alyssa had somehow never ever been to a parking lot carnival, which I was not ok with. We kicked it off with the swing ride, which we took note was propped up on stacks of firewood, very safe. After gliding through the air over the top of traffic on Loop 288 we headed over to the haunted house. One thing about me I hate scary, but it was a kids carnival right? I usually make it a point to ask if there are people inside wearing masks because nothing creeps me out more. But I decided because it wasn’t a walk through haunted house it was ride through, surely it would be made up of silly cardboard ghosts. Well I was wrong. After riding the entire way through the ride with my eyes closed, slumped so far down in the seat I might as well have been on the floor, while screaming to Alyssa "put your arms around me", the ride ended with a creepy guy in a mask with scary teeth and gloves with long fingernails following us out the door. Now that we were 8 tickets down and out of breathe from screaming at the scary children's ride we decided to try our luck on a spinney ride. It was the kind that goes up and down and around and the centripetal force smashes your bodies together and keeps you from moving your head. I love these because your only response can be tear streaming laughter while you experience paralysis. Next up, The Kamikaze and yes we saved one of the best for last. This ride has always been one of my personal favorites. If you make it to a carnival that has an upside down ride you know you're at a good one. Once in my childhood my hair got tangled in one of the cages of this ride it took nearly 10 minutes to get me off the ride safely. We loved it and by this point it was dusk so we used our last 4 tickets to hit up the ferris wheel and enjoy what was left of the setting sun. Riding the rides was a success and we had checked the carnival off her list. Next up caramel apple, too my amazement she had never tried this either. We drove home to finish our lantern projects eating our caramel apples happy as clams. Next on the list, movies. I own a whole lot of movies she's never seen. So after finishing our project and our apples we sit down to cry over Broke Down Palace, one of my favorite movies from college. After confessing that we probably couldn't do what Claire Danes did for her friend for each other, we checked the movie off the list and planned to hang out Friday to continue annihilating her homework. We had caught wind that two of our heroes were coming to South Lake for a book signing on Friday, Francine Rivers and Beth Moore. Of course we decided we were going. Previously I had gotten Alyssa hooked on my favorite author Francine Rivers, her book Redeeming Love practically changed both our lives. And Beth Moore well I'll probably still be promoting her in heaven. So we headed to the shops at South Lake, where Alyssa had never been (check) and stood in line to meet the ladies. It was awesome to say the least. Beth was incredible and in fact I'm pretty sure she's a basket also (refer to Vessels and Flowers), which means she's a promoter too. She confirmed what we always thought true, that she would in fact move onto what we call our street in heaven as long as thats where the coffee is located.  She promoted her book, along with the shops at South Lake, oh and my hair. She took a picture of my hair to show her daughter because she liked the highlights. After this I was beaming and Alyssa and I had both checked meeting these women for the first time off our lists. Like I stated earlier my excitement for life and capacity for favorites can sometimes become a problem. Shopping can get the best of me (more ideas than I have money). I just get so dang excited and everything stirs my affections. So in my manic state after meeting Beth, who after all did recommend we go shopping, and Francine,  it was probably not a great idea to head to my favorite store, Anthropologie. But I did and I came home with most fabulous purchases. It got a little crazy but I promised authenticity and honesty in my blog so pictures of the madness are shown above. I told Tristan that the tea cups I bought will forever remind me of the day I met Beth. After our fabulous shopping trip we ended up at home checking one last thing off Alyssa's list. She has never had an herb garden. So because I love gardening and herbs we bought kits, planted seeds and checked it off the list as well. All in all, I think she'd agree Spring Break was an impromptu success. We checked six items off her homework list, I purchased two books, four teacups, a pot holder, two drawer pulls, 4 florescent orange bottles of nail polish for $.99 a piece (one bottle for a friend), a poppy plant and pot, and an herb kit, we laughed so hard we cried, we made two lanterns and some incredible memories and we met two of our heroes. If you were looking for a moral at the end of this long post you may have just found you were sorely disappointed or that you just wasted an incredible amount of time reading. But hopefully you were just looking for a good story. I promised my blog would be a glimpse into my life. I have found my life, as a follower of Jesus, to be a careful balancing act on a tight rope. By tight rope I am not referring to rules or regulations or any other common misconceptions that following Christ is anything less than total freedom, but to a tension between the great joy and the great sorrow that living here in this world but knowing its not my home often brings. All to say I often transition from flooding tears to hysterical laughter in a matter of moments. I hope todays story made you laugh. And I certainly hope you didn't judge me on my amount of purchases.

Monday, March 15, 2010


If you asked me what a perfect day in my life would look like, it would ALWAYS include an outdoor music festival or a carnival, preferably the one in some desolate parking lot with the shadiest rides possible. The kind of rides that have been folded up and driven across country so many times that the rides are actually being held together by safety pins. It's only a legit carnival if you get dizzy from the smell of Lysol on the seats rather than the ride itself. My motto for quite sometime has been "If I'm going down today then let be on carnival ride." If you know me well, then you know I'm completely obsessed with parties of any kind. In fact, some people probably would say I'm a little bit irresponsible when it comes to parties. If I'm in charge of throwing the party its go big or go home. Sometimes its too big. sometimes I go a little too far. Anyway this is why music festivals and carnivals rock my world. They are after all just giant parties. There are a million things about these giant parties that inspire me. You can call me a hippie but at a concert the mentality is always "whats yours is mine." Blankets and picnics are shared. My friends become your friends. My favorite songs becomes our favorite songs. Laughter, joy, and even dancing are shared and lets be honest even some not so beneficial things are shared in some peoples circles. This weekend I had the opportunity to attend a ton of great concerts. We started Thursday night and continued through late Saturday night. Over the weekend I made a dozen new friends and sang and danced to my hearts content. The highlight of the entire weekend definitely occurred on Saturday. The Flaming Lips were putting on a free show here in Denton and there was a great turn out. We arrived when the gates opened and spread our blanket along side the masses. It was only a matter of hours and our blanket was deemed useless because of how large our group had gotten. Each friend brought a friend or two and we had quite a crew. As the show began I stood shoulder to shoulder with dear friends and new friends. I looked across the crowd and I saw thousands of people with thousands of differences but millions of similarities all singing in unison, I got "chill bumps", I often do in this type of setting. As the confetti sprayed across the crowd, balloons bounced, and music reverberated in my chest, the Lord whispered to my heart " child, if you think this is a party just wait til your homecoming." This is not the first time I've had this vision but perhaps the only time I've felt I might have captured a glimpse of it with my camera. My small, earthly mind will not ever be able to fathom what a great display the creator of the universe will come up with for our homecoming. The picture I've posted is the best example my naive eyes have yet seen, but I can bet on The Lord with assurance He will throw the greatest party the universe has ever fathomed. He brought to my mind in that moment Saturday night the story of the prodigal son. My favorite part is in Luke 15:20-24, it reads " but while he was still along way off, his Father saw him and had compassion for him; he ran to his son threw his arms around him and kissed him." And then it says, in so many words, he decided to throw a bad ass party to celebrate! Some of you may be offended by my words of  choice here but if you are you may know nothing of biblical parties, they were way cooler than what we throw here. I mean they shut it down, literally like whole towns for months. This story is what I love about the gospel. It doesn't matter where you have been or what you have done. It doesn't matter if you've squandered your inheritance and are covered in fifth. Be assured my friends when you head home he will see you coming and he WILL have a party waiting. If I could post a song that could accompany these thoughts it would be "Welcome Home" by Radical face. My favorite verse says:
peel the scars from off my back
I don't need them anymore
you can throw them out or keep them in your mason jars
I've come home
These beautiful words paint the picture of sanctification for me. This life process of trials and tests, hurts and pains will all be worth it one day my friends. We will peel the scars from off our backs, after all Jesus was the first to peel the scars off his back after rising from the dead. He went home to prepare a party for us and it will be like none the world has ever seen :) We will meet him soon. Until then I will attend as many music festivals and carnivals as possible to stir my affections for my creator and to give me just enough of a glimpse of heaven to spur me on to finish the race.

Monday, March 8, 2010


hello again blog world. I have returned. After secretly blog-stalking for a little over a year now, I find myself so inspired by those sharing their journeys. I have found that there is every kind of blog, there are artists selling creations, new mothers telling stories about their children, fellow ragamuffins struggling well through addictions and diseases, and friends swapping recipes. I've heard some say, and I might have even agreed at one time, that blogging could be deemed unnecessary or a waste of precious time. One could even say that it can become an unhealthy addiction or a means of unhealthy escape for those who have trouble communicating how they feel to another human being, especially face to face. I agree that the technological advances of today have definitely caused a deficit of verbal and face to face communication. I do want to be careful that texting, chatting, face booking, and blogging don't ever take the place of intentional conversations, whether its a great cup of coffee with a friend, a fabulous dinner with my family, or a hard phone conversation with someone in need. I'm no expert on the subject, in fact I'm no real expert on any subject, but I would say from my limited experience while keeping these warnings in mind, that the blog world can also be an incredible avenue for stirring ones affections for Christ. I have found that blogging tends to invoke a vulnerability from people that may not otherwise be present. I have come to appreciate this vulnerability in others especially in my fellow believers. I love reading about their joys and sorrows, heartaches and fears. I love being reminded that I am not the only woman who tends to think she's crazy. I am not the only person who struggles and has very debilitating fears, that sometimes hinder forward movement. I am not the only person with such great sorrows on certain days that I can't find words to express. I am not the only ragamuffin. The Lord has been pushing this idea on me for way longer than I have been blog stalking. He has shown me repeatedly I am not the only basket case through beautiful friends and brave acquaintances, through His perfect word and through the overwhelming grace He has extended to me when I have made monumental mistakes. And now He has shown me once again in the writings of my fellow blogging believers. I am so overwhelmingly grateful for what Christ has done in my life and I am so grateful for what he is doing in the lives of other. So here it is my second attempt at blogging, my attempt to join you in sharing that overwhelming gratitude but also in sharing my thoughts on days I may not feel so thankful. Jesus has called me to a crazy adventurous life and I'm about to share it on the web. See you in cyberspace.