today's wondering

 BANGS OR NO BANGS???????


 I've been debating whether or not to get bangs for over a year..... it'll probaly be another year before I actually do anything.. dont judge me - it took a long time to grow out my short spiky butch mistake...but hey I'll try anything once, and Alice if your reading this -yes I am referring to the short spiky San Francisco on a whim, staying in a hostel, dye my hair black with box color in the communal sink - Alice insists its gonna rock- hairstyle.


 I've searched and searched high and low ( or just on pinterest) for the perfect bang inspirations. they look so tempting but i am as indecisive as Texas weather.  Feel free to leave a comment even if your just popping by and let me know if you think I should go for the gold or stick with if it ain't broke don't fix it mentality.


my bangspirations:

Source: financeenquiry.com via Cinda on Pinterest

Source: thesensesfive.com via Claire on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via J.M on Pinterest

Source: thebeautydepartment.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: instyle.com via Brittney on Pinterest

Source: google.com via Brittney on Pinterest

chica chica bang bang
Love
bb

He makes beautiful things.

In His loving kindness, the Lord has most recently lead me to a place where, for the very first time in a certain area of great struggle, I have entered the vast wide open space that is Freedom in Christ. Today I have decided with great courage and determination to run out into the openness of this space with excitement and great expectation. At first stepping out there was hesitation.. for I have always, as a basket, been fickle. It is too easy for me to share my excitement about freedom and end up looking much like the boy who cried wolf when the next day I am again chained. But today I have decided that is indeed why Christ came! That hope may never dissapoint because Christ in me is the hope of glory. In fact some of that fear has always been of sharing on my blog, as Ive expressed before. But as I cracked open a new book, (Addictions: a banquet in the grave by: Edward T. Welch) , I stumbled upon these encouraging lines:

Our familiarity with the descent ( referring to idolatry, addiction, sin) should not make us think that we have no business helping others. Quite the contrary. Having known something of voluntary slavery ourselves, we are more patient with those who are ensnared. We are also more eager to partner with them and lead them to Jesus Christ, the One who liberates then and carries us out of the pit.


So here I am again. Writing to share with you my hopes, fears, struggles, laughs, reads, etc.. Will I be consistent who knows. Will this be the last time you hear from me until next May? maybe. We shall see. I can only hope suspense has gripped you and you have felt my struggle as I've dipped in and out in the last two years. After all isn't this what community is for to inspire, to encourage, to be honest, and for believers to point towards something greater than ourselves. So if your out there or just stumbling across this blog stick around, come back every now and then, who knows you may find we have much in common.

As of late, I realized finding myself in these vast, wide open spaces seems a little daunting. I find myself saying to the Lord well what do we do now? It seems there are a hundred things that can be done and a million ways to do them regarding the Lord. Figuring out what He wants me to do for the day, if Im not careful, can actually start to look like one of those terrible combination math problems from 6th grade math glass. You know the ones - eleven students put their names on a slip of paper in a box. Three names are going to be taken out. How many different ways can the three names be chosen..... UGHHHH hate these. I dont really care how many ways just pick the names so we will know whos chosen and who isn't. Anyway the Lord has been more kind to me than Mrs. Dunning, my sixth grade teacher was regarding my inability to figure out those problems, I know she meant well.

So I have been laying my day out before the Lord and expecting he'll show me which combinations is best and I have so far found him to be a most excellent planner. He knows me well. For example, today I was perusing other lovely blogs that have caught my eye over the year and as always I began to get a little envious lol yes i know rediculous but don't try to tell me when you look at other peoples life and projects in photographs you aren't simultaneously both inspired and jealous. I have to remind myself that a blog is simply moments captured... not the entire picture of someone's life. So after reminding myself of that and putting away the bag of mini reeses and pretzels I was binging on while looking at everyone else's seemingly more creative life I found myself saying " Ok Lord there must be a reason Im drawn to these blogs and someway that I can use mine for your glory and to be creative. And well If I heard Him correctly I think he replied with song lyrics because these words from Gungor came to my mind.

You make beautiful things you make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things you make beautiful things out of us.

So there we have it. I love beautiful things because God made me too. I'm drawn to Him through them. And because I'm made in His image I make beautiful things too. So I will share more things that are lovely and that stir my affections for my maker. perhaps I will end up both less envious and less prone to eating entire bags of reeses mini cups while simultaneously encouraging or inspiring you. We shall see.

Love,
BB

FREEEEEDOM!!! (screamed in my best Braveheart voice)

In the gas station bathroom by the condom machineI heard the word of the LordHe said "Take off your shoes,this is holy ground tooyou know I came for the sick and the bored"Beneath the selling of beersAnd the welling up of tearsOut beyond the beam of the remote controlThere's a whispering voiceThat the humble ear hearsthat says "I am still waitingfor you to ask just to be made whole"
And the bush it was burning on the mountain topand though the leaves never blackened, the fire didn't stopThat's the way that it works in this old life of sinYou gotta let the fire burn you just to get clean within
I am so often deterred from my actual intentby distractions in a cellophane wrapAnd the cruel voice that taunts me when I open them upto find just one more box full of crapIt's where you're mocked while you abstainand then cursed when you give inIt's all a game that's impossible to beatBut there's a peaceful refrain God'll sing in your brainwhen you put the nails to your hands and your feet
And the smell of our sacrificesstill fills up my headThere's just a few left at the altar, Lordall the rest of them fledAnd we've cried and we've triedWe've sweat and we've bledBut we don't just need atonementWe need to be raised from the dead
When they took down the cross from that dark hillsideThe blood on their hands was the blood from his sideThat's the way that it works, That's the way it must be.You gotta let His blood stain you of you want to get freeIf you want to get freeDon't you want to get free?
Waterdeep lyrics

we are free in christ and we only have to ask to be made whole and he will make us that. the problem is we usually do not realize that we daily walk away from this freedom right back into voluntary slavery. Just like the Israelites when they were rescued by the Lord from Pharoah. They saw the red sea parted and their enemy defeated but only to cross into a vast, empty, scary, lonely, wilderness of desert. Can you imagine their thoughts as they stepped out of the Red sea onto dry land.... Im sure it was something like " What the H?" They cried to the God who had just delivered them, " we would rather be in Egypt!" They would have willingly gone back to Egypt into slavery where everything was at least predictable. A life filled with pain but familiar pain. Nothing was unknown they knew what each monotonous day had to hold in Egypt. But in the face of this desolate wildernesss there were so many unknowns. How will our needs be met they thought? Where will our meals come from?our water? our shelter?


We tend to think they were morons. We can see the bigger picture thousands of years later. We think " Duh you guys the Lord just obliterated your enemy with plagues, and then preceded to lead u out of Egypt by a pillar of fire and cloud of smoke. If that wasn't crazy enough he then parted the Red sea so you could cross and after closed it smashing the remainder of your enemy to death." "Of course, he will provide your basic necessities in the desert." That all seems so clear now. But the truth is we are the same.

I am the same. I try and trust God daily ... especially after he works a miracle for me, but its only a matter of time before he asks me to really trust him and to step out into the unknown with him, the vast wilderness. And generally I will find myself quietly tiptoeing back to the comfort and temporary pleasure of slavery. On my prideful days I will tell myself the entire way that I know what is best for me and on my pitiful days I will tell myself that slavery is what I deserve.I will even sometimes convince myself on that journey back to slavery that I'm so spontaneous. This will be just new enough and exciting, a change of scenery ( disregarding completely that its a cycle and that Ive been here hundreds of times and there is nothing new about it). I will then gladly slip the shackles back around my wrists, after all they're kinda cute ( I have decorated them to match my outfits) and comfortable after years of wear have conformed my wrists to fit them. But give a couple of days... reality sets in which is my slave masters intent. The cute shackles start to hurt and become heavy.. the newness of the surroundings wear off.. I realize I can't leave at will. And again I realize i do not know what's best for me... I am blind and I do need a savior and so I humble myself and cry out to my loving and patient God once again.

Friends, I continue to choose temporary pleasure most days over any consistent long term joy. I fail to trust God knows what's best just as the Israelites did. Anything can be slavery if you are seeking it over Christ. If it ever seems better than what he is asking you to endure you can be assured that's a lie. Turns out just as the Israelites, I do not know what is best for me. My creator does. So I will keep allowing Christ to remove my shackles, laying them back down at His feet, unpacking my pockets of all the things i think i'd like to take with me from slavery to the promise land just in case, and laying these false treasures at his feet (but not before throwing a fit about not being able to keep them), and I will keep making the long journey back from slavery because he will never leave me there. He is in relentless pursuit of me. He will keep shedding light into the darkness revealing the truth. He will come like a pillar of fire and destroy everything I think is better than him until only he is left. And in the end when I can see the entire picture I'm convinced I will be grateful. im trying to get free friends... I hope you are.
Love,
BB

A little Tea and T

My sweet husband is amazing at slingin ink...in case you didn't know. here's his latest I'll be showcasing on my right forearm for LIFE!!!!!

right before I committed for life.....commitment makes me a little nervous

Finished with black shading and line work....he was bringin the pain

finished product..super swollen... bad lighting

TAAAA DAAA! ur jealous right? I love my teacups. 

Thanks T for your patience. You are such an incredible artist and husband. I'm so so lucky. I love you. Happy birthday!!

The Adventures of Team Marriage

Marriage is a wonderful thing but it can also be boring and downright difficult. It can become monotonous paired with responsibilities like paying the bills and fixing the car etc... Sometimes you have to get a little silly to keep up the moral and stoke the fire. Tristan and I are always looking for new ways to do this and that is how "The Adventures of Team Marriage" was born. I don't remember exactly when we started affectionately referring to ourselves as team marriage but we have been doing it for quite sometime now and somewhere along the way we added a point system. So now anytime we do anything together whether  we're winning a game at couples night,  fixing the sink, making amends after a big fight, paying a bill, tag teaming chores,  or even something like helping each other find a missing sock we get excited and give each other a serious hive five or chest bump and give team marriage some amount of points (I've been stuck on 40pts for along time, I dont know why).  Cheesy? absolutely. helped our marriage? 80% boost in moral. This week I had to share because Team Marriage Rocked. Im pretty sure we accumulated  over 600 pts.

We went on a couples trip to float the river in New Braunfels. We had a blast! The only fights we had stemmed from a bed that was too small (double)  and a comforter made of silky material that wouldn't stay on the too small bed. Other than that we were on a roll. We had so much fun we decided to drive back to Denton at a leisurely pace and stop in Austin. We window shopped all day and allowed ourselves each a treat from one of my favorite thrift stores on S. Congress. I took Tristan to Uncommon Objects, my favorite antique store, for the first time. And we concluded the evening with a fabulous dinner at the Snack Bar. YUM! We took some fun pics to document our fabulous married time and I thought I would share. The Austin trip alone was probaly 200 points. The river trip was such a success it  had already accumulated 150 or so.

 team marriage = 350 pts

The remaining 50 points were added on the drive home. When Tristan got really tired and was in need of starbucks. I started using google maps to find the nearest one and it appeared that we had already passed the only one unknowingly....dang it. Frustration filled the air. But to team marriages suprise from a distance we saw the round sign shining like a beacon in the night...google was wrong.. TEAM MARRIAGE prevailed. The car erupted with excitement! Hive fives all around and Tristan said he was buyin.....thats his favorite line (of course, I ignore that team marriage 

has a joint account ;) 

If you thought it couldn't get anymore rediculous, then think again. Because team marriage was on a roll and nothing could slow us down.The next day we got up and hit the dog park. We then headed directly to Lowe's to schedule tile installation in the master bathroom. Many of our fights have stemmed from the previous owners decision to place carpet in the bathroom. who does that? Our toilet has been broken for sometime and yes this is sick to admit but it has overflowed four times in the last two weeks onto the carpet......result: serious frustration! So after we signed the paperwork and shelled out the cash for the tile installation team marriage headed to plumbing. We got the toilet guts kit and Tristan took the picture of the box below. It was Tristan's idea to try and fix the toilet ourselves. I'll admit I was skeptical. Tristan earned us 30 pts automatically for his courage on this project. After two hours of me standing on the tub reading the directions while Tristan executed, with hands in the commode, Team Marriage anxiously awaits the first flush............Excitement erupts !!!!!! Team Marriage has won again! The toilet is in fabulous working condition and the consolation prize was ripping out that nasty carpet and throwing it in the trash! We completed all of this and still made it to recovery at church by 6:30pm to greet. And then if that wasn't enough we had 30 peeps over for a giant firepit party after in celebration :)

Team Marriage: 600 pts                                                              

Aikido: do not miss your chance to flow

So good thing I warned you that I'm a basket and that my blog might just  fly right out of my basket if things got hectic cus that's exactly what happened this summer.  I guess I could say I took an unplanned sabbatical from the Internet.  But against all odds (dramatic, yes) I managed  to scrounge up a connection this afternoon to address the world, and by world I mean you sweet friends that read my blog (or perhaps I should say read my blog, past tense) you are so good for my self esteem and it turns out writing is good for my soul whether anyone is reading or not.

So anyway here I am and so much time has passed. Its funny how I have actually started thinking in what I like to call blog perspective. Every time I have a light bulb moment or something cool happens I jot down the experience or thought that I feel should be blogged about. I started with great intentions thinking I would be so consistent at blogging that I probably wouldn't even have enough things to share....wrong. I mean what was I thinking I'm a basket promoting everything in sight. The blog perspective list has become so long it is quite daunting to a basket who's working on her follow through. I'm farely certain that the list actually caused me to stay away from my blog longer than necessary. The Lord has revealed that  I have these freedom issues, which it turns out have actually been fear and rebellion cleverly masking themselves, but that's a story I'll have to blog about later. Most people wouldn't know this about me, because as I stated it usually masks itself as me being care free or playfully rebellious, but anything even remotely resembling the least bit of pressure or commitment can put me on edge, especially if the possibility of failing or disappointing anyone including myself is present. Bottom line people I got spooked! Really I guess we could call them follow through issues.  My silly prideful self got worried about my blog not getting done on time I mean seriously, fear of man much, so I just let it fly. Much like when you forget to call someone one back and you keep forgetting and then eventually so much time passes you convince yourself its better to not even call. Its never better ...so don't worry like I said I'm a work in progress and this returning to my blog however many months later IS progress.

 The Lord and I have been sorting out my follow through issues for quite some time now (ALL SUMMER), specifically my response to get out of dodge as soon as I feel the least bit restrained or pressured by the commitment to finish something. But just yesterday he really decided to bring it home and I had the greatest epiphany. As I was dusting my bookshelf I started thumbing through one of my favorite books from school. I bought it at a seminar for social workers on highly resistant clients ( how clever of the Lord to use  a book with the phrase "highly resistant clients" in the title to reveal this great epiphany to me).

There is some brilliant stuff in this book and it just so happens the Lord orchestrated a light bulb moment as I came to the chapter titled "Lessons from Aikido." The chapter begins with definition of Aikido: A Japanese art of self-defense that uses the principles of nonresistance in order to debilitate the strength of opponents. I know your thinking what does Japanese fighting have to do with your follow through issues, stay with me. It goes on to explain that this type of self-defense is one of the purest forms and teaches no tactics for attacking, all of the moves focus on defending against the attack. The theory behind Aikido is actually quite sophisticated. The Aikido master is always evading and using the energy created by the attacker against the attacker. One of the fundamental questions of the Aikido master is "where is the one place I can stand where the attacker cannot hit me? " The Answer is "in the exact place where the attacker is standing when the attack occurs. If I could move to the center of where you are standing you couldn't hit me. Your physical center is the point at which the attack begins, all energy moves away from this point. Interesting right, stay with me. So he goes on to point out of course it is physically impossible to stand exactly where another is standing at the same time. So the Aikido fighter  does the next best thing which is to frequently move in a manner that places him where his attacker JUST WAS. The purpose is to move to the position from which the force is coming. At the moment of the attack, this position is unattackable.

OK so in case your not following  let me explain why this is brilliant. When you block or defend against an attack, you are using force against force. Fighting force with force is risky business depending on your size and speed. When you use Aikido style to defend against an attack, you slip and slide the attack moving in a manner that avoids and dissipates the attacking force rendering it harmless! This is brilliant. Immediately I thought of Jesus, he was the ultimate Aikido fighter. I'm always amazed at how quickly situations that have quite a potential to get way out of hand in the bible dissipate when confronted by Christ.  He was a mind ninja. Just when the apostles or Pharisees thought they had him watch out ! He didn't run away nor did he fight force with force he simply dismantled there whole argument, often by putting himself in there exact position.

As I got excited about this yesterday the Lord really applied it to my follow through situation. When I start feeling attacked I think in terms of fight or flight its what we are all taught. I tend to fly or fight force with force. I find myself either feeling like a failure or quitter when I run. And when I stay and fight force against force I'm often outwitted or under skilled and I tire out quickly and end up choosing flight in the end. But there is another type of fighting....Aikido style which turns out really isn't fighting at all it is simply defending. I've seen some, even myself in horribly unjust situations, get so mad at the idea of turning the other cheek but I'm thinking the Lord was referring to Aikido. Don't slap them back, instead anticipate their move and respond differently than they expect. It is the element of surprise that is to the advantage, being one step ahead of the game. Now don't get me wrong, as I evaluate this I think it actually takes more guts and hard work than just trying to blindly bludgeon something to death. And perhaps it takes more patience and agility. It seems it would take a heck of a lot of more courage to not only decide to face the attacker or problem but to then run directly towards it trusting that the Law of energy will win and you will end up dissolving all force coming at you as you replace the enemies center of gravity. SCARY! The Lord has assured me over and over that if I will just face my trial head on and trust him he has given me  the ability to slip and slide just like the Aikido fighter right into the exact spot my attacker was just standing in. I replace him and thus resolve the center of conflict, but not without some sweat.

So Aikido is the way to go. But now that I know I see the daunting task ahead of me, TRAINING. I have to learn Aikido first.  I've taken my first step which all you steppers know is to admit I'm powerless! And in this case very untrained.  I'm headed to the training manual first thing! The word is filled with Truth that dismantles the enemy. If those truths are written on the walls of my heart then I will slip and slide right past the enemy and right into the exact spot he was standing in .... I will tear down the lie he yelled while standing there and post up truth. I then have nothing to fear. Those well trained in self defense aren't scared of an attack. The best example I can think of is Eminem in 8th mile. Tell them what they already know about you, what they were gonna use against you. I guarantee you'll  surprise them and then they won't have any material. Aidkido, one step ahead of the game.

Hi I'm Brittney Bradshaw. I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggle with pride and rebellion and even some fear of man. I have serious issues with following through on anything and I may never blog again ......but Christ already knew that ....... I win.

 Internet world I'm back in the game and you don't scare me. I promised honesty and by golly I will share even if that means confessing my silliest fears on this very public site. so you got nothing on me ....WHATCHAAAAA! (me: karate chopping)

charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting....

yeah I know its been a month...its fine:

 I was talking with a friend the other day, while paddling against a wild current on Lake Lewisville, when a subject arose that  had been on my mind. The subject discussed was character and we were throwing out adjectives we thought people would use to describe ours. I had already been thinking about this topic previous to our conversation and it only confirmed  quite obviously that my prior conclusion  was indeed accurate. The following are words I believe are most used to describe me:  fun, loving, witty, outgoing, funny, adventurous, spontaneous, understanding, comforting, encouraging, charming, inspiring, and at times if I were honest, which I promised to be in this blog, I've been described as pretty. Now I know what your probably thinking, man B don't be modest.You may even be thinking how prideful I must be to post this list  online for you to read. But before you jump to conclusions about this list let me give you the second list, the following are adjectives not on the last list because these are the ones that people wouldn't use to describe me: faithful, loyal, dependable, thoughtful, diligent, punctual, honorable, wise, obedient, enduring, and God fearing. Now after reading that list there are some of you thinking "no those aren't at all correct" because in some way you may have been one of the lucky ones that have experienced one of the nine times in my life that I may have followed through with something or may have come through for you; or perhaps you're just too kind or maybe even a people pleaser yourself and you have serious anxiety when it comes to shootin' people straight.  Some of you are very honest and are thinking "your right I wouldn't use those words to describe you", but you love me, so you immediately follow that statement with " but your a damn good time so who's dwellin on this silly list anyway."  Then there is the last half of you, you guys are thinking "yep! she's dead on", as your memory takes you back to some past event or situation where I left you in the dust, or slung you outta my basket completely without even looking back, and you are delighted to learn I've realized these words don't describe me and you are secretly revelling in the pleasure my introspection has brought you today, and to you I say careful do not judge lest ye be judged LOL. Now that we've discussed your responses, all of your responses,  to both my lists of adjectives let me describe  how I originally came to the realization that  these were my lists, why I feel these lists are so important, and what my response to them looks like. On my shower wall I have a laminated copy of two scriptures, one of them being Proverbs 31. For those of you that may never have read this group of verses it describes what a Godly wife looks like. Let me state for the record, this idea of scripture in the shower wasn't  original , my friend Jade had done it at her house and so I decided what a great idea, I will be able to memorize scripture in the shower. But the truth is after almost three years of having this scripture posted I might have a few lines memorized, but it was a valiant effort . Anyway,  I'm standing in the shower a few weeks ago and begin reading these verses, and as I go through line by line I try and assess whether or not I'm looking like the wife being described.  Let me state the obvious, I rarely look like her. I'm usually not standing in the shower checking yes to each box while congratulating myself at my efforts. It doesn't look like me saying " Yes, my arms were strong for my tasks after kayaking this week or man did I ever supply the merchants with sashes this week, I mean I was on fire cranking out deeds."  The bible can sometimes  be a little confusing to apply, considering it describes a woman thousands of years ago. It uses crazy lingo such as 'she is a merchant ship bringing food from afar". It is at this point it tends to look more like my thoughts wondering off  trying to find the modern day equivalent. Does going to Kroger count?  Kroger is so close to my house I could ride my bike, I feel like it hardly counts as "food from afar". Does it only count if I drive to South lake to Central Market, which takes like 25 min, unless its during traffic, in which case it can take an hour. And I don't work with wool or flax, in fact my sewing machine has been in the closet for two years. And let's be honest the idea that she gets up while its still dark, yeah NO, I get up at 9 or 10am earliest. So clearly my mind goes off on a tangent and I have to regroup and not go so literal, at least not all the time.  Back in the day this description was completely accurate, I'm sure every man reading this then would want that women!  The overall meaning is clear that she is selfless and goes about taking care of her family in every way necessary often depriving herself of what she probably wants,case in point  more sleep. It clearly states she is hard-working,faithful, loyal, dependable, wise, selfless, and giving. That is the first list of adjectives that describe her and we could probably add more to that list. But if there is a first list then that means there is also a second list of words not used to describe her which is why the last line of scripture hit me hard. The entire chapter finishes up with this: charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. She is not aspiring to be charming and beautiful. Let me add a question mark to the end of that, she is not aspiring to be charming and beautiful? The world teaches us just the opposite, doesn't it? Can you ever remember a time when it wasn't important to be beautiful? The world certainly seems to be all about beauty and it has its own definition of beauty as well. And remember what you've been taught since you were small, bat your eyes and prince Charming will come sweep the beautiful princess off her feet. And how disappointed were you after the real world's definition of reality failed and you realized you must not be a  princess, that other girl at school was more qualified and had already filled the role.Or maybe you were that other girl and the role wasn't quite that satisfying, in fact keeping up the princess appearance can be quite exhausting. And prince charming, a wonderful, perfect man who shows up in the nick of time. Well this idea sets up every man to fail. Who came up with this prince? And who chose the word charming to describe him? Have you ever stopped to consider the word charming or to look up its definition? I have always aspired to be charming. I have always wanted a charming little cottage with a wildflower garden and an art shed. I thought the word was synonymous with inspirational or whimsical. Turns out that's incorrect. Charming as you have guessed by now is tied to seduction, magic tricks, spells, all in all charming turns out to be a hoax, a facade.   Some of you may be frustrated, don't worry I'm not completely bashing fairy tales. And the word charming can be used occasionally in a positive way. I think imagination is important and a little pretend is good for the soul. But when fantasy starts mixing with lies and that mix becomes your belief everything gets jumbled. The world opposes Christ. It works completely opposite to Him and his word. So when I read this line of scripture I was hit with the truth. I should be aspiring to be a loyal, faithful, hard-working, and trustworthy wife but instead so often I work extra hard  to be a charming, beautiful, cool, or even funny one.  Because the world has taught me that this is what is enticing. It teaches me this every time I check out at the grocery store and stand near the magazines, every time I go to the gym and see the posters, and every time I watch a movie or read a romance novel. But scripture teaches a completely contrary idea. Scripture says I am wanted already by Christ! Scripture tells us we are made beautiful in Christ. We are to be servants and we are to aspire to be obscure like him. Colossians 3:4 (message version) "..in the meantime be content with obscurity, like Christ." Scripture shows us a wife is to be loving, gentle, kind, serving,  hardworking. What I've seen in myself is that sometimes as woman, as freeing as this word should be, we surprisingly don't like that picture. My husband helped me to see that even I had bought into the lie that I was supposed to be something totally different. He told me a story he had heard. Six guys go out to dinner for guy's night out. All the dudes were sitting around talking after dinner and they were having such a good time they didn't want to go home. They started thinking of places to go and one of the guys spoke up and said "we can go to my house, my wife will be there but I can call and see if she cares." All the guys reply saying yeah that sounds good we don't mind if she's there, except one guy who replied "man I hope your wife is there she is so cool. I haven't seen her in a long time, I'm looking forward to catching up. " The other guys just turned and looked at him like hey man that's his wife. AWKWARD. Some of you may think just like I did at the end of this story " whats wrong with what the guy said?", in that case you may be offended at what I say next but Tristan said it best. He ended the story by stating " I don't want to have the cool wife, I don't wanna have the hot wife or the fun wife, or any wife that all the guys want to come over to "catch up with". This statement astounded me at first, maybe I was even a little outraged.You don't want me to be fun? or to look pretty or dress nice? Then I start accusing him, you want me to sit quietly in the kitchen cooking wearing a potato sack! Why was I mad? Isn't the idea to be the most awesome wife? Or even the most awesome person? The idea is to be popular right ? To have the most friends? Isn't that what equals success? Wrong. Our motives should solely be to please the Lord. To know him and love him and serve him. And out of that servitude and love for others can't help but spring forth. What my sweet and very honest husband was saying is that he wants me to look to please only the Lord and serve Him wholeheartedly and therefore look to please only  He and my husband, not people. My motives had nothing to do with these things, he exposed them.  My motives tend to be rooted in pride. I wanted to be seen and known and I can use the guise of serving.  My goal is often  to improve my self worth and even  to make other guys jealous of Tristan or girls jealous of me,  or even to impress others or please them because I can tend to serve people as my God. I didn't even realize that I was making myself a trophy. I've learned the hard way to let the Lord check my  motives. The world has made us believe this is a competition. Wrong again. Comparison is the thief of joy unless we are comparing ourselves with Christ.  But we have been taught by the world that the entire goal is to be wanted or at least to be more wanted than her. Haven't we all? Hear me clearly we are WANTED by our magnificent creator! Turns out we are actually  princesses. Christ is Prince Charming after all he's the only one with magic power and he will come back to sweep us off our feet.We are Christs bride.  The Lord has shown me the entire goal is to know him and be loved by him. And then in turn to love others by serving them humbly as Christ serves us. It is not about recognition. 1 Peter 5:6-7 "So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is upon you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; for he is most careful with you." So am I supposed to work in the kitchen in a potato sack?? Only if that's what Christ instructs me to do and if it is then I better trust that it is in my best interest! After all this introspection I have decided I no longer want to strive to be charming, or pretty, or witty, or popular, or cool, I want to be loyal. I want to be wise. I want to be trustworthy. I want to be hardworking. My flesh and I will battle it out but with Christ's help my flesh will lose. The world can keep shouting lies but it will lose also. There will be a day when the world will be forced to recognize truth. The truth is that beauty is fleeting, you can only cheat wrinkles for a little while ,and you can't cheat death or judgement. And as for charming, well that's quite a magic show, practicing the tricks are exhausting and one day it will be exposed.  I can only hope when the Lord comes for me I will have nothing to hide. I hope he will have exposed all the tricks up my sleeve. I hope he will find me to be a good and faithful servant perhaps in the kitchen after all, wearing a potato sack, making a fabulous meal, and "laughing at the days to come."